End of the Game
by Donna
PG-13
Disclaimer-See Part 1
End Of The Game part 2
Later, in her room, she again was pacing back and forth. Only this time there was something else occupying her thoughts. This is not what I need…more time to think about Chakotay. The Admiral said that he had tried to contact Seven. I guess he must miss her terribly. She stalked over to the replicator and ordered a cup of coffee. After the requested drink appeared she moved to the desk that was in her room. The monitor came on with a touch. She, of course, had limited access but, at least, she could catch up on the news services. As she scanned through one screen after another, her thoughts again began to wander.
It's my own fault anyway. I pushed him away so often, it's no wonder that he found someone else. I gave him no encouragement, no hint as to how I really felt… but he must have known. All those years of flirting on the bridge… dinners in my quarters…all the touches. Now, I know that I touch everyone… but surely he notice that I touched him more?
She was beginning to get angry, which, if truth were told, felt pretty good right now. Was he blind…? He had to understand that I couldn't say anything. After all, the ship and the crew had to come first. He, of all people, had to realize that a relationship was not possible. He had first hand experience... just look at what happened with Seska! Now she was really angry! She slammed her coffee cup down as she yelled aloud, "So I really was alone all along!"
As hot coffee spilled over her and the desk, she immediately began to calm down.
"Now, Kathryn, you know that's not true. It's not really his fault. In all those years you never gave him one reason for real hope. He had no idea that you daydreamed about him and the life you would have together, when you got home. Just because you knew you were in love with him, didn't mean he knew. Yes, he had made it clear on New Earth, and later, that he loved you. But even the strongest love wouldn't last long if it's not nurtured and encouraged to grow. He probably stopped loving you in self-defense. You can only stand to be hurt so many times before you no longer feel anything at all."
She muttered to herself as she cleaned the spilt coffee, "Great, now you're talking to yourself. That's the sign of a healthy mind." She needed to accept that Chakotay had moved on and try to be happy for him. But try as she may, she still couldn't get past the part that hurt the most…Seven. Of all the people on the ship, why Seven? Even though she knew she had no right to, she felt betrayed on two fronts.
Kathryn was aware that many of the crew indulged in idle speculation about her relationship with the Commander. She even knew of Tom's betting pools… and their lack of activity of late. Was Seven completely unaware of this? Did she initiate the relationship with Chakotay, not knowing of the crews' suspicions? Or was it those suspicions that caught her interest? Did she…could she…have done this just to hurt her?
She sat on the couch, once again chastising herself. "There you go again, driving yourself crazy with questions that can't be answered. Just let it go, Kathryn. Whatever you may have hoped for, obviously is not going to happen. Be glad that at least someone ends up happy. Even if it isn't you…and stop talking to yourself!"
* * * * * *
Just as he predicted, three days later, the guard once again escorted her to the room where she had talked with Admiral Paris. The guard remained in the room and this time did not offer her a seat. Shortly after, a door on the other side of the room opened and Admiral Paris joined her.
"Captain Janeway, I'm glad to see you again. I came in first to explain to you what is going to happen today. A board of four Admirals, and Vice Admiral Cartwright, will question you in reference to the allegations against you. First of all, this is not a formal hearing. It is simply a questioning session to determine if there is enough justification to bring you up on charges."
When he saw the panicked look in her eyes he quickly added, "Which is not going to happen! Do you have any questions?"
She was quite for moment, trying to come to terms with what was happening. "Will any of my crew be here?" she finally asked.
"No, this is a closed session. But if it comes out the way I believe it will, you'll be seeing them all very soon. There is one other thing that you should know. All the Maquis have been released, with the exception of Chakotay…"
His comment startled her. "…What…why Chakotay?"
"He was their leader, he was ultimately responsible for what they did. I should also tell you that whatever is the outcome here will probably have an effect on his case. The feeling is that if no charges are brought against you then he will be free to go also." He placed his hands on her shoulders.
"The others will be coming in now. Just relax and answer any questions honestly. Good luck, Kathryn."
She attempted a small smile, "Thank you, Owen, for everything."
No sooner had she spoken, then the door opened again and four people filed in. She recognized Vice Admiral Cartwright and Admiral Necheyev. The other two Admirals were unknown to her. Admiral Paris joined the group at the table as they all sat. She remained standing, facing them.
"Captain Kathryn Janeway, this board is convened to determine if there is just cause to bring you to court-martial for your willful disregard of the Prime Directive during your time in the Delta Quadrant and the more serious offense of treason. Do you understand?" Vice Admiral Cartwright's words brought a cold thrill of fear down Kathryn's spine.
She answered with a clear and even voice. "Yes, I understand, Admiral."
"Please be seated, Captain. We will begin by addressing the matter of the Prime Directive. Do any of the board member have questions they wish to ask?"
Admiral Necheyev was of course more than willing to begin. "Captain Janeway, can you explain to us why, on so many occasions, you chose to ignore all the principles and policies that govern not only Starfleet, but the Federation itself? Starting with the unjustified interference in the local politics of the Kazon and Ocampa, resulting in the destruction of the Caretaker's array and the stranding of you in the Delta Quadrant. It seems to me, Captain that you exhibited an unacceptable level of interest in other cultures business. Time and again, you violated the Prime Directive and involved your ship in illegal activities. Not to mention, the numerous 'alliances' with societies that did not meet the requirement of being technologically equal with the Federation."
Taking a deep breath she tried to form an answer that would help them all to understand why she had done what she'd done. "Your absolutely right. I did all those things and more. You've seen my logs; I never tried to hide anything. And if I had been in the Alpha Quadrant, I would fully expect to be court-martialed…" This brought several startled looks from the table, to include Necheyev who was beginning to smile. "…But I was in the Delta Quadrant…"
"…Captain Janeway," Admiral Necheyev smile had faded and was replaced by a sneer, "if you think being in the Delta Quadrant absolves you of your responsibilities…"
"…No, on the contrary, it increased my responsibilities. To keep my crew and ship safe I had to use any and all methods available to me. Even if they went against all that I had learned at the academy. I had always stood by my belief in Starfleet and the Prime Directive. I couldn't conceive of any reason to violate those policies. Yet, there I was, right from the start, doing just that. Why…To save the Ocampa? That was certainly part of it. To maintain the balance of power in that sector? Definitely. The Kazon were bullies preying on weaker species. But mostly, because we were there. In the Delta Quadrant, on our own. No back up, no space stations for repairs when needed, no resupply depots, no Starfleet to ask for advice. In the Delta Quadrant the buck stopped at my desk and I learned quickly that it was no place for those unable or unwilling to protect themselves. Did I break the Prime Directive? Some may say I did, but I like to think simply that I bent it where it would do the most good."
The scowl on Admiral Necheyevs face indicated that she didn't exactly agree with her assesement.
"Captain Janeway, did you ever willingly trade Federation technology with less technologically advanced cultures?"
Admiral Paris' question surprised Janeway. "No, Admiral, I did not."
"Did you ever use Federation technology to force an unwilling culture to trade with you?"
She began to see what he was getting at. "No, Admiral, I did not."
"Thank you, Captain, that's all the questions I have."
Vice Admiral Cartwright spoke up next. "Now,Captain Janeway, as to the accusation of treason. Did you allow access to top secret Starfleet weapons and tactical information to unauthorized personnel?"
Janeway answered with confidence. " No Admiral, the only personnel to have access to that information were members of Voyager's crew, specifically, my senior staff."
"Liar!" Admiral Necheyev spoke with venom in her voice. "You all but handed over Voyager to known enemies of the Federation. Chakotay was an outlaw and a traitor! All he had to do, was mount a mutiny, and all that technology would have been at his disposal."
"But no mutiny ever occurred!" Janeway's voice was beginning to break.
"No thanks to you!" The Admiral practically spat the words out.
"Admiral Necheyev…!" Admiral Paris' voice was angry.
"…You're right!" A sudden hush fell over the room. "It was no thanks to me, but it was thanks to Commander Chakotay. The most loyal, honest and trustworthy man I have ever met. True, I didn't know that about him then, but I also knew I had no choice but to trust him." She took a deep breath to calm herself before she went on. "We were lost, 75,000 light years from home. I needed his crew to run Voyager, and I knew the only way to get them was with him. I suppose if I were to have followed Starfleet protocols, at that time, I would have found a M-class planet, settled down and destroyed my ship, so that none of the technology could be used by others. But I wasn't willing to settle for that. I made my crew a promise…that I would get them home. And I intended to do just that. During the seven years that it took to fulfill that promise, I insisted that Voyager be a Starfleet ship…with a Starfleet crew. Thanks to him, it always was. He convinced his people to adhere to the principles that I had insisted on. If not for him, the Maquis crew probably would have mutinied. But he knew what I knew, that if we were to have any chance in this new and extremely dangerous quadrant, we had to work together. So here we are seven years later, not two crews, Maquis and Starfleet…but one crew…Voyager's crew, a Starfleet crew. "
The room filled with silence. Vice Admiral Cartwright stared at Admiral Necheyev as if to ask if she was satisfied. When she said nothing more, he spoke to the room.
"Since there are no further questions for Captain Janeway, this board will retire to consider its decision.
Captain Janeway you are free to return to your quarters." The group at the table rose and left the room.
* * * * *
The guard did not return for her until the next day. She had spent most of the night pacing her room, unable to sleep. She had just ordered a cup of coffee from the replicator, when the door opened. Putting it in the recycler with a sigh she followed the guard down the corridor.
She waited in the room where she had been question yesterday for only a few minutes, when the board of Admirals joined her. As soon as they were seated, Vice Admiral Cartwright directed her to take a seat.
He spoke first, "Captain Janeway, may I first commend you on having an extraordinarily loyal crew. During the extensive debriefings we've conducted, all of them, to include the Maquis and the Equinox crew, steadfastly stood by you and all the decisions you made while in the Delta Quadrant. They didn't always like them, but they believed that you always did what was best for them and the ship."
"Thank you, Admiral, I am very proud of them. They are, as far as I'm concerned, the best crew in either quadrant." She stated proudly. "If not for them, Voyager, would never have lasted in the Delta Quadrant as long as we did."
The room was silent for a few moments before the Admiral spoke again.
"Captain Kathryn Janeway, this board has considered whether to hold you for court-martial on the charges of violating the Prime Directive and treason. We have questioned you and your crew and reviewed of all your tactical logs. After long discussion between members of this board, it has been determined that despite the fact that your methods and decisions were questionable, being in the Delta Quadrant required innovative and unorthodox tactics. It is therefore the decision of this board that no charges will be brought against you. You and all of your crew, still being held, are to be released immediately. And may I say, Captain Janeway, well done and welcome home."
Kathryn let out a breath that she didn't know she'd been holding. As the other members of the board left the room Admiral Paris was pulling her from her chair, into a quick embrace.
"You see, I told you everything would be all right," he said excitedly. "You might like to know that Commander Chakotay is being released as we speak."
She looked at him as she noted his use of Chakotay's rank.
He chuckled at her look. "Yes, all the former Maquis have been allowed to retain their rank and positions in Starfleet if they choose to."
As they spoke, the door opened to reveal the object of their discussion. Seeing the look in Kathryn's eyes, the Admiral excused himself and quickly left the room, leaving Kathryn and Chakotay alone.
For what seemed like forever the two just stared at each other, neither speaking, not knowing what to say.
Chakotay finally decided to begin.
"Well, Kathryn, you actually did it. You got all of us home, and kept your promises to the Maquis too."
"No, Chakotay…we got us home." She stepped close to him and placed her hands on his chest, a gesture that she had done many times before. She didn't miss his slight intake of breath at the movement, but she decided to keep her hands where they were. "I never would have been able to do all this, if not for you standing by me. The crew would have lost faith in me long ago, if not for you. So many times, when I had lost faith in myself and didn't have the nerve to face them, you were there, covering for me. I once told you, 'I couldn't imagine a day without you'. I meant it then and I still do. Neither Voyager, the crew or I would be here today, if not for you. Having you by my side meant more to me than you'll ever know. Thank you, Chakotay, for everything."
"Kathryn…" he was shocked to hear her words. He never realized she felt this way. He reached up to enclose her hands with his large ones. "Well, you're welcome of course. But I think you would have found a way to survive without me, if you had to. That's something you very good at, Kathryn, surviving. You were determined to get this crew home, and you did just that. It was that… determination, that… single-mindedness of yours that made the difference. This crew would have followed you to Hell and back, with or without me, if you had asked them."
She withdrew her hands from his. "And what about you, Chakotay," she asked quietly, "would you have followed me too, or would you have stayed with Seven?"
His shocked look told her that he was completely unaware that she knew of the relationship. Quietly he asked, "How did you find out?"
A sad sort of smile graced her face, "The Admiral told me, in her attempt to convince me to go back to the transwarp hub. It seems that in her timeline, you and Seven eventually get married."
"Spirits, Kathryn, I'm so very sorry you had to find out like that," he whispered softly.
Gathering her dwindling courage, she looked him in the eye. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did I have to learn about it from someone else"
The stricken look on her face tore at Chakotay's heart. The last thing he ever intended was to cause her pain.
"Because I'm a coward."
"You, Chakotay? You're one of the bravest people I know."
"Not when it comes to you, Kathryn. I can't bear to see you hurt, especially when it's me doing the hurting."
"After all these years of me hurting you, I suppose I had it coming."
"No, don't ever think that. You always did what you believed you had to do. The ship and the crew always had to come first. Yes, it hurt me, but I know that it hurt you too."
She turned away, unable to look at him as she whispered her next question. "Why Seven?"
The anguish in her voice brought tears to his eyes. Taking a deep breath he answered, "Because she asked."
Janeway whirled to face him, eyes sparking with suppressed anger and pain.
"She asked you? That's all it took, for her to ask you? You turn your back on us, go willingly into her arms just because she asked you?"
Chakotay's voice began to rise in anger.
"What do you mean 'turned my back on us'? There is no 'us' Kathryn, there never has been any 'us'. You made that perfectly clear. At least with Seven I always knew exactly where I stood. A situation that I never enjoyed with you. She hasn't learned how to control her emotions yet, so she was always bluntly honest with me."
Chakotay sighed to calm himself down.
"Kathryn, for years I have stood by you, waiting…never sure just how you felt. Some days I was convinced that you had real feelings for me, feelings that went beyond friendship. Other times I was just as sure that you didn't care if I was even your friend any more. Several times I tried to move on and forget what I felt, but it never worked, and I always let myself slip back into my old habit of standing by and waiting."
Taking a deep breath he continued, "When Seven told me about her 'research' and asked me if I would 'assist' her, I was surprised at first. After all, we never really got along socially. I thought about it for awhile and realized that I was flattered… I am human …and I'd spent so much time being pushed away by you that when a young, beautiful woman offered, my ego was definitely interested."
"I also understood that this would all be new to her… she would be falling in love for the first time, when everything is fresh and unspoiled by past experiences. That appealed to me and I believed that for a first relationship perhaps I could offer her something that someone younger might not be able to."
"We were finally able to speak to each other a few days ago. It seems that the past two weeks have given us a lot of time to think, Kathryn. We both agreed that the whole thing was a mistake. Seven was simply reacting to, what she thought, was the most logical choice she could make and not because of any real attraction to me personally. Neither of us is prepared to continue the relationship. At least she wasn't hurt by the experience and I think she may have learned a great deal about herself."
Chakotay fell silently, watching Janeway, trying to gauge her reaction to his 'confession'. Looking into her eyes, he found them bright with unshed tears. It hurt him deeply to realize that he had caused her all this pain. He turned to leave the room, believing that she would rather be alone right then. He was almost to the door when she spoke.
"Oh, Chakotay, what a mess we've made of our lives." He turned to see her standing there with tears falling softly down her cheeks. He couldn't remember ever having seen her cry. "All these years, all I dreamed of was making a life with you when we got home, it's what kept me sane. Yet here we are, finally home, and we seem farther apart than we ever were on Voyager. What are we going to do? Can we get past this, and stop hurting each other…or is this all there ever will be for us?"
He reached her in only three steps and enfolded her in his arms. She could feel his heart beating beneath her cheek. Being in his arms gave her a feeling of such peace.
"Oh, Chakotay, I love you. I'm so very sorry for the hell I put you through all these years…"
"…Hush, Kathryn. It's all behind us now." He held her face in his hands, so that he could look into her eyes. "I love you, and I plan on spending the rest of my life showing you just how much. Never again will you have reason to doubt my feelings."
Their lips meet for the first time. The kiss was full of all the suppressed longing and passion of seven years of waiting. Eager and hard, yet gentle and shy, reflecting a relationship still unsure of itself, but growing more confident by the minute. They broke the kiss only when breathing became a necessity. As they stood in each other's embrace, their frantic breath slowly calmed.
"You know, the crew is waiting to see you. They've having a party and I had to promise to make sure you attended." Chakotay told her.
"That seems pretty confident of them. What if I hadn't been released?" She smiled her crooked little half smile that he loved.
He in turn produced those wicked dimples. "Failure was never an option. I believe that Starfleet would have had a full scale mutiny on their hands if you had been court-martialed."
She laughed as she took him by the arm and headed for the door. "Then by all means, lets go join our family."
Finis
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